by Koob Vang
“Wilderness” is a word we often use to denote rough seasons in our lives. It’s sometimes a journey of loss and sorrow, and other times, a journey that’s weird and confusing. We find ourselves in agonizing pain and excruciating heartbreaks navigating through an endless tunnel.
Something God has been really teaching me through the wilderness is to value the intimacy and the life that can only come while being in the wilderness. I’ve been overseas for over a year now and some days, it’s been a wilderness. There are only a few people I can fully express myself to. I’m limited by the language barrier. I can’t simply go down the street and buy something without struggling. I can’t pay my own bills without depending on others. And I can’t find any clothes that comfortably fits me (but this is totally my fault being American-sized). I wish there are times where I can just drop everything, be a student again, and take a summer vacation back to my parents’ place. But that’s not reality; I have to face the wilderness I’m in.
There are two sides to the wilderness though. One that takes life away and the other that brings life.
The Bible speaks of the wilderness as a place that is mostly dry, barren and filled with roaming wild animals. The prophet Jeremiah calls it “a land of desert and pits…drought and deep darkness…that none passes through, where no man dwells”. It is also called “arabah”, which may be translated to desert, wasteland, or pain.
A few years ago I went to Israel and I was able to experience it first hand. It was life changing.
The wilderness isn’t quite the thing to check off on a bucket list. Well first of all, I’m a big guy who’s attracted to the A/C. I don’t do things involving with the words “heat” and “dry” (other than beef jerky but that’s another story). Especially halfway around the world. But I was SO wrong. Looking back, it was definitely one of the highlights of my trip. There’s something that allures you when experiencing Israel’s wilderness and catching a glimpse of its capabilities and strength.
The first side of the wilderness is what can take your life away.
Other than the blistering heat during the day and the bipolar frigid temperature during the night, the wilderness is beautifully sculpted by the wadi, giving it its rigid and rugged aesthetics. The wadi is the valley and ravine that is usually lifeless and dreary during the dry season, but becomes the pathways to the raging currents during the rainy season. These strong waters have been leaving its chiseled marks since the beginning of time. David says in Psalms 18:4 “…the torrents of destruction assailed me”. Only one who has seen the actual strength of torrents can relate to its destruction.
Going into the wilderness usually means being separated from community. Community is essential for survival. When one is being sent to the wilderness, they are to be cut off, marginalized, or about to die. This was the Israelites’ consequence for disobeying God. They were stranded in the wilderness and cut off from God’s promise for 40 years.
But there is goodness that comes from the wilderness.
The wilderness is not only a place of punishment but a place of refuge. After being anointed as Israel’s next king, David used the wilderness to hide from the current king, Saul. It is said that God hid him and Saul was not able to find him (1 Sam. 23:14). The wilderness became David’s resting place; a place where he was shaped, fashioned and mended. Intimacy grew deep with God, and out of it came many of the psalms we have today. He writes in Psalms 57:1 “…for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadows of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.”
The wilderness was a place which transformed David into “a man after God’s own heart”. Even when Saul fell into David’s grip in the wilderness, he honored Saul by calling him “my master, the Lord’s anointed” and refused to kill him though he had all the right to do so. Taking refuge in God will cost us selfishness, but buy us selflessness.
BUT there’s more. It is not only I who walk through the wilderness alone, but it is He, who has already gone through the wilderness, and is faithfully leading me.
When it comes to the wilderness, it isn’t just a place of punishment or refuge. The wilderness was also the place God used to prepare the way for salvation. Out of wilderness came hope for all nations of all people and to restore all that was broken between us and God.
Isaiah 40:3-5 says “A voice cries: ‘In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God.’”
From all of the places where the news of the Messiah were to come from, God didn’t use the powerful people like Alexander the Great, or powerful cities like Rome, nor did He even use the temple from which He himself was present there. Surely that would have made the most logical sense. Instead He chose the barren and desolate wilderness. The most unlikely place for news to come from. The place where no one expected. Why? Because it was a place set apart from men’s control. It was a place where men could not manipulate. The last time men got in the way, sin entered the world. God used a place where men would not expect.
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When we see our time in the wilderness as a life-taking place rather than life-giving place, the wilderness will be regarded as a punishment from God. We will only be asking questions like, “Why God?” and say something along the lines of, “If God truly loves me, He would do x, y, and z for me.”
I’ve been learning that there’s a closeness to God that comes from committing and following through the wilderness, even when I’m most uncomfortable. It’s about trusting and holding on to His promises instead of complaining about my surroundings. Many times I’ve found myself cursing and whining about the ground I walk on, and it only made matters worse. Instead the Holy Spirit has been convicting me that I need to be blessing and speaking life to it, kind of like when you’re in 4th grade science class and you learn that we breathe out CO2 so talking to a flower is actually beneficial, and it doesn’t make you look that crazy.
Being in the wilderness is a commitment and there’s no turning back. You can’t just make a U-turn when you’re going through pain or have just experienced a loss. You can’t just erase it from your memory. It’s impossible. It’s unavoidable. The only way through it is by facing it, and God honors those who are committed and follows through.
I’m reminded of Hannah who went through the wilderness of barrenness. Year after year Peninnah mocked and irritated her, but she stayed faithful and committed by continuously going to God. God finally gives her Samuel and she honored God by giving Samuel up to God.
One of the things we keep saying here is, “We can only give life, once we have life”. At first my question was, how do you get life in the wilderness where this is no life?
I’m slowly learning that the wilderness gives life by providing me a refuge and a place for hope. I have stopped counting my steps and looking behind at what I once had. I have started to look at the One who leads me beside quiet waters and refreshes my soul. The One who sets a table before me in the presence of my enemies and anointed my head with oil. The famous Psalm 23 was written by someone who has experienced the depths of the treacherous wilderness, stuffed in a dark cave while alone with his sheep, yet still looking to God as his Lord and Shepherd. I can reflect upon it and find hope in my Savior.
Being in the wilderness is not a punishment. The wilderness may feel unsafe and lonely at first, but when I fix my eyes on Jesus, it becomes a sacred place. It’s a place to find refuge under His wings. It’s a place to go deeper while being stripped away from the safety you’ve allowed to surround you by. When you’re in the wilderness, let Christ lead you, because you will not survive being stranded in the wilderness. Only the One who has gone through it, can lead you safely. And that is only Jesus. Jesus only. He is all we need. If Jesus is all we have left, that is more than enough.
