by Josh Kim
Growth is the process of committing to become better versions of ourselves everyday. And as followers of Jesus, it’s also about becoming more like Him. Yet because growth doesn’t happen automatically, it must be a core value in our lives. It must be actively and intentionally cultivated through choices we consistently make! Perhaps that is why Apostle Paul describes growth in the Christian life as the “fruits of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23). All to say, we must have a passion to grow.
VALUE OF FEEDBACK
One of the skill sets or tools that will help us to grow is the practice of feedback. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, feedback is defined as “the transmission of evaluative or corrective information about an action, event, or process.” For many of us, feedback can have a negative connotation because our experiences with feedback are connected to, or associated with, events, relationships, or processes that did not go well. However, when done with wisdom and grace, feedback can be one of the most helpful tools as it helps us better understand our blind spots, how others experience us, our constraints, our strengths, our areas of improvement, our gifts/talents, and more. Read through the book of Proverbs and you’ll see the value and gift of feedback in a person’s life:
- “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” (Proverbs 12:15)
- “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14)
- “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22)
- “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” (Proverbs 19:20-21)
LACK OF FEEDBACK
One of my favorite examples, in regards to feedback, comes from 1 Kings 22. Ahab, king of Israel, is deciding whether to retake the city of Ramoth-gilead from the king of Syria. He gathers 400 false prophets to inquire whether he should attack. All 400 of them agree and speak only what Ahab would like to hear – that God will give Ahab victory. However, there is one prophet named Micaiah that Ahab does not initially ask because Ahab knows Micaiah only speaks the truth from the LORD rather than what Ahab desires to hear (verse 14). Unlike the false prophets, Micaiah prophesies that God will not give Ahab victory. Long story short, Ahab’s dismissal of Micaiah’s feedback eventually costs him his own life on the battlefield.
We need to constantly ask and receive feedback because there are consequences in our lives as a result of the lack of feedback. If our constraints and blind spots are never made aware to us, we continue to perpetuate unhealthy behaviors, motives, and attitudes that prevent our growth. On top of that, there is collateral damage to the people around us as they continue to experience our patterns of unhealthiness in their lives. Therefore, if we are passionate about growth, it’s crucial that we create a culture of feedback in our lives by giving the people around us permission to speak into our lives.
5 PEOPLE YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE FOR GROWTH
Stephen Mansfield, a notable author and consultant, helps companies and organizations get back on track after their leaders crash and burn with affairs, embezzlements, and other messes. After many consultations, Mansfield recognized common risk factors that lead CEOs, pastors, and leaders to crash. The most important factor was that these leaders stopped listening to the people closest to them and ultimately evaded confrontations. I want to challenge and encourage us to create a culture of feedback in our lives so that we are not left vulnerable to crashing our most important relationships, our purposes and callings, and our lives due to our unhealthiness. Instead, cultivating feedback will lead us towards growth by helping us become more self-aware, more understanding of how others experience us, and better versions of ourselves every day. If you want to create a culture of feedback around you, identify these different people in your life in order to help you grow (the following content is taken from Lyle Wells at Integrus Leadership):
1. Truth tellers.
These are the people who will say things you don’t want to hear or ask the questions you’re uncomfortable to answer. It’s crucial that we have truth tellers in our lives because they will help us not drive off the rails or let us know when we’ve done something we need to make amends for. One example is Nathan confronting David about his adultery with Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 12. If it wasn’t for Nathan’s courage to tell the truth to the king of all people, David would have continued disregarding justice and righteousness, and abusing his power and freedom that comes with being king. Another example is Esther and Mordecai in Esther 4 when Mordecai speaks truth to Esther that if she thinks she can avoid the genocide of the Jews, she is mistaken, and that perhaps, God positioned her as queen for such a time as this to prevent such tragedy.
The flip side is also true. We need truth tellers not only when we do something wrong, but when we really need to be reminded of who we truly are in God. In Judges 6, God chooses Gideon as the judge to deliver the Israelites from the Midianites and addresses Gideon as a “mighty warrior”. If you continue reading the story, you’ll immediately find out that Gideon is far from being a mighty warrior. If anything, he is a fearful doubter who needs multiple signs from God to even gain the slightest courage. Yet God speaks truth into Gideon’s identity and destiny as a mighty warrior so that Gideon can lead God’s people to victory from the Midianites with just 300 men. Who are the truth tellers in our lives that has our permission to help us identify our constraints, fears, God-given identities, and destinies?
2. Teachers.
These are people who are better and smarter than us. It’s crucial that we have teachers in our lives because they will challenge us and guide us towards growth. There’s a famous saying that says, “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.” As I get older, I can’t agree with that saying more. If I am the smartest, best, and greatest person in my life, then my life is already severely capped by own personal ceiling. I will never be able to reach my full potential if I am limited to my own knowledge and skills.
In Exodus 18, Jethro sees Moses acting as the single judge for an entire people group all day. Jethro, with his experience and wisdom of being a leader within his family and people group, knows that this system is unsustainable and will eventually burn Moses out. Instead, he suggests that Moses should raise up other judges in his place and delegate the judging responsibility in order that Moses can fulfill his other leadership tasks. Who are the teachers in our lives that are better, smarter, and greater than us to help us avoid mistakes, reach our full potential, and get us where need to be?
3. Trustees.
These are people who dream and process ideas with you. It’s crucial that we have trustees in our lives because in order to pursue our dreams and purposes, we’re going to need people we can confide in and ultimately dream together with. If we’re only surrounded by truth tellers in our lives, our pursuit of our dreams, purpose, and potential will be accompanied by constructive criticisms that can damper our passions over time. In 1 Samuel 14, Jonathan has this crazy idea birthed out of his crazy courage to face the Philistine army by himself and his armor bearer alone. His armor bearer replies, “Do all that is in your heart. Do as you wish. Behold, I am with you heart and soul.” As the story goes, they defeat the Philistines and bring victory to God’s people.
But can you imagine if his armor bearer tried to tell Jonathan the truth about the odds of facing an entire army by themselves? Or can you imagine if the armor bearer tried to teach Jonathan how to approach that impossible situation? Rather, it was the armor bearer’s confidence and trust that instilled more courage in Jonathan, which ultimately brought victory. Who are the trustees in our lives to help us pursue our dreams, purposes, and potential at all circumstances, especially when the odds seem against us?
4. Timothy (disciple and spiritual son of Apostle Paul).
These are the people that you are investing into. It’s crucial that we have Timothy’s in our lives because we grow by teaching others what we’ve learned. Research shows that we retain knowledge better not only when we learn something, but take the next step and teach what we’ve learned to others. We grow when we teach and invest into others just as Paul did with Timothy so that eventually Timothy can pastor a church on his own.
In addition, the Timothy’s in our lives offer a unique perspective of how we are experienced that we don’t get from most other relationships. I recently asked a few feedback questions to one of my former youth group students and the feedback he gave was a very unique perspective compared to the feedback I’ve received from other people. I learned that my influence is much more significant to the people that I lead than I previously thought. I became aware on a deeper level how much my words, actions, and intentions actually affect those around me. In addition, it helped me identify my next step in growing as a leader, which it to carry myself with more care. Who are the Timothy’s in our lives who we can not only pour into, but also receive unique perspectives from so that we can further grow?
5. Tank fillers.
Lastly, these are people that are our biggest cheerleaders in life. It’s crucial that we have tank fillers because the greatest thing we’ll need in the process of growth is encouragement. In Deuteronomy 3, Joshua is about to take over for Moses in leading God’s people into the Promised Land. In his last moments with Joshua, Moses could have spoken truth, taught, or dreamt with Joshua about how to get into the Promised Land. But all God asks Moses to do is encourage and strengthen Joshua because God knows Joshua is going to need it, especially to fill Moses’ shoes. The feedback we’re going to need time and time again is simply encouragement because growth is messy, slow, and a lot of hard work. Though the result of growth is glamorous and rewarding, the process of growth is challenging and stretching. And in the midst of that process, we are definitely going to need people in our lives who will encourage us and be our biggest cheerleaders through it all.
As you can see, one of God’s best resources for our growth are the people He has placed around us. There are benefits to have all five of these people in our lives. If we only have truth tellers, we’ll never receive encouragement in our pursuit of growth and become discouraged along the way. If we only have tank fillers, we’ll never receive constructive criticism about our constraints and be limited from becoming our best selves.
I encourage you to identify these five people in your life today! You may have one or a few of them in your life already. You might need to seek out the others or give the people around you permission to be a truth teller or a tank filler. All in all, create a culture of feedback in your life so that you can grow beyond your constraints and become your best self that God’s always dreamed you to be!