by Jane Kim
Living in the Midwest, there are many Winter mornings where I wake up to mounds of fresh powdered snow. People who don’t live with four seasons will automatically assume that this is something to celebrate. The seasoned Michigander that I am, dread these types of mornings.
Yes, it’s aesthetically pleasing. Yes, it’s quite serene. But no matter how I see it, I conclude that I would enjoy it more through pictures than actually living it. With fresh powdered snow comes the inconvenience of walking to your car, sweating underneath all your layers of clothing, and spending many rushed minutes cleaning off your vehicle and attempting to maneuver your way out without hitting something or getting stuck. This is especially hard when you live in an apartment complex with shared parking.
Not too long ago while I was in prayer, the Lord spoke to me through this familiar type of scene. Almost like a film reel going through my mind. As I pressed deeper into this moment with God, I watched myself open my front door to a set of footprints left by my neighbor who had left before me. As I put my foot into the remnants of their prints, I found myself avoiding the forceful trekking against untouched snow leading me where I needed to go that much faster.
As I continued in prayer, I felt this deep impression on my heart that said, “Put your feet where mine have been. My yoke is easy, and my burden is light”.
Right then and there I started to weep and cry out in repentance. For too long I have befriended control and made it the ruler of my life. As a projection of my own insecurities, God unveiled the darkness that I’ve masked so well that I hardly recognized as my enemy. I would justify my behavior as the “right thing” and not really consider the “God thing”. Like the months where I told myself it was okay not to tithe to the church because it meant finances would be tighter. Or even the days where I justified binge watching episodes on Netflix so that I could “relax” instead of calling what it really was, escape. Or even when I would tell people I’m doing well and throwing Christianese at them just so I wouldn’t have to explain the grave I was digging as my bed. I find that in the upside-down kingdom, the things that seem so unnatural to us is supernatural for God.
Since the very beginning, this has been something that humankind wrestled with. How can we be in obedience of God while still making decisions and dictating where our lives are going without playing the role of God? This is where I see many people caught up in confusion between their own thoughts and the thoughts of God. Such a dichotomy that is consciously recognized but spiritually ignored.
In Genesis 2, the Lord clearly commanded man “you may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” (V. 17) Shortly after, God declared that it was not good for Adam to be alone. God fashioned Eve to be his forever person. Things were good. The two were able to walk around bare, not feel ashamed, eat from all the trees and have their daily banters with God.
Instead of looking at everything they could have with God, they focused on the one thing they couldn’t. The temptation to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil represented the power that insisted that they had Lordship over their own lives.
The enemy knew how to prey on such vulnerability. He challenges Eve and asks, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” (Gen 3:1) She starts to second guess herself and responds that she can’t eat from it nor can she even touch it, or she would die. But where in scripture does God actually say that by touching it that she would die? Scholars present a case that Eve actually touched the fruit and nothing happened. Why? Because one is most likely to touch something before putting it in their mouths. The Lord declared that once she ate of it then there would be a consequence.
Perhaps the serpent in its cunning knew of such things. Perhaps woman had touched it, nothing happened, and therefore believed the words “you will not surely die” (Gen 3:4). She then proceeded to eat the fruit leading us well, to where we are today.
We are constantly at war with our minds. God’s truth and character is skewed when we lead with our own control and insecurity. No longer are His words clear to us. It becomes murky so we start making decisions that are the very opposite of what the Lord intends for us.
To take this a level further, Eve not only unveils the very things that God was trying to protect her from, but she also influenced Adam to make the same decisions. When we make choices out of our need to be in control because we believe we have none, it affects the loved ones around us. We think we’re doing what’s best for their needs, when really, we are catering to our own.
I often picture this scene and wonder, is this their ignorance speaking? Greed? Confusion? Did they really get pigeonholed into something so foolish? I mean isn’t it enough that they were able to see God in a way that no one else could whenever they wanted? Or could it be that Eve & Adam struggled with what we struggle with every day of our lives? This crazy desire to be the best, to have control, and to prove to someone, anyone that we have it all together?
Personally, the moment I touch temptation, I feel like it’s game over. My flesh had already made a decision and there is nothing and no one who could stop me within that nanosecond of making a sinful decision. Whether it’s an action or a thought. But our God is beyond this chronological, linear timeline that we’re so used to.
What if the Holy Spirit was inserted in between the moment of touching temptation and actually following through? Could it be that, that is the difference between someone who lives under Lordship and not just declares it? R.A. Torrey writes, “If we think of the Holy Spirit as so many do as merely a power or influence, our constant thought will be, ‘How can I get more of the Holy Spirit,’ but if we think of Him in the Biblical way as a Divine Person, our thought will rather be, ‘How can the Holy Spirit have more of me?’” Recognizing Lordship and letting go of the death grip on our lives also known as control, will lead us to that place of peace that we are chaotically searching for.
We were never alone in the garden. In the midst of our struggle, God is with us. Like actually spiritually and presently with us. Only a God so loving, would still clothe us to soothe us from the sting of the mess we created. Sacrifice was from the very beginning. It’s one of the many facets of God that never changes. How else can we explain the animal skin that was given to Adam and Eve after their fall? How can we explain the history of God’s people who notoriously fail but are still rewarded with grace? How can we ignore a man named Jesus who walked on earth as flesh to atone for our sins? Again, sacrifices have been made.
Some days I’m running the race so hard that I forget to take the baton that’s being passed to me. I end up running around in circles without any purpose, wearing myself down and berating the confidence inside of me until there is none. I often forget that I’m not doing this alone and that Jesus is taking those deep and wide steps in front of me and not behind me. Though it’s one of the hardest things to do, I need to trust that wherever those footprints are leading me, it’s to the place where my savior is. “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”—Deuteronomy 31:8
Jane Kim is currently residing with her beloved husband, Elliot, in the state of Michigan. She also serves as a youth pastor at KUMC of Metro Detroit. She first entered into ministry at the age of 21 and hasn’t looked back since. She has a huge heart for people to rise up in their God given purpose and intimacy with Jesus Christ. You can catch her drinking iced coffee in the dead of winter and watch her on Instagram as she loves to post funny videos of her husband.